empty space

all the long writings

filled with silence

left an empty space in my heart

a space I keep waiting for you to fill 

being  aware you may never do so

either you do not feel 

either you feel and don't know what to do with it

without a rational frame 

either you can not leave out your behind voice, that voice that says you can never undo that or the other, you will be awkard, you will be judged, you yourself will judge yourself the hardest, as you often do. 

Distance gives advantage, silence lets doors open

...only mind games. I could have played, but my soul felt yours, first directly in your voice and then behind the distance and the silence. And I was bounded. 

I have become. A bit more after meeting you, regaining my feminity, a bit less loosing my rational

ghosted with silence and absence. 

I need to find a way to grow differently in that empty space.

packages

start packing 

my desire in small packs

move it in my mothers attic

my thoughts 

my fantasy, build up emotion and all the goodbye said and all left unsaid

I will put them into a big box. 

Put a red tape on it and write with big letters. Important to remember.

I need to come back from the holes of hope. 

first day

your image got blurred 

for some seconds in my head 

first day when my thoughts 

did not fully follow you

first day realizing it may have been a 

real goodbye. 

first day something inside melted. 

real doubts

today the rain in my heart has awaken 

a thought

maybe I draw a castle out of smoke 

and the autoumn wind has blown it. 

cadenas

en mis cadenas vive la musica 

el baile y la passion que algun dias traigo en mi vida 

en mis manos vive el amor 

para el arte 

en mis ojos la rebellion de mi sangre 

de mis padres y de mis abuelos 

la locura que viene cuando tu unica necesidad es sobrevivir la injusticia de todo los dias. 

Mis cadenas baillan el baille que nunca se muere, el baille de los viejos y los jovenes 

el baille que sabe desnodar el pasado. 

Mis cadenas solo saben vivir y sobrevivir. 

5th and last feather

I organized a match on your body

it was a color match rainbow, a sword made out of words and a silence fist 

my hands runned over the rainbow 

my nails scratched its surface and it felt like clowds, jelly and wine. 

the fight will take a long time. 

in the end 

there is only experience

to live or live without. 

4th feather

behind that door 

desire 

a warmth to follow 

a kiss