vulnerable voice

I keep thinking about how I reacted. How much I exposed myself 

how vulnerable I have been and still am.

I keep thinking I over felt 

over experienced and over crowded feelings that were never to be expressed. 

I keep thinking how it got me 

inconsistency, guilt

it got me absence, silence and awkward moments. 

I keep thinking I should not be as honest as I am many times with people I care about.

I keep thinking my voice should be, but not up to the moment where it struggles. 

If it struggles it means 

it should stop talking. 

Between Coventry and Birmingham

I remember one moment 

years ago 

I got into a bus 

and my heart stopped at the first station 

it got out inbetween Coventry and Birmingham. 

It took her a long time to find me after this. 

She found me working out in a gym in Leeds, running on a treadmill and just when I was looking out the window I saw her. 

She said finally you are able to take me back. 

half awake. 

It was an inevitable end. 

End of love. 

End of the knife. 

End of my innocent being. 

gods

gods from my past 

gods I burried and still they came back 

gods who feed on guilt and on anger 

gods I used to unname, untouch and drive pass them in the highway of my thoughts

gods who know about the lowest moments of my life. 

gods with whom I need to make peace 

reversul paralimbajului

sau poate in paralimbaj ce am simtit exista si nu se poate regasi in sine niciodata in limbaj. 

Si ma bucura si ma intristeaza. 

Caci nu exista. Caci orice e neasumat exista si nu exista de fapt. 

paralimbaj

paralimbaj 

intr-un limbaj 

efemer si punctual

intrinsec si nonverbal 

extins si totusi restrans 

intr-o sala de dans 

figura de final 

al unui ceas banal 

intr-o conversatie cu sens 

intr-o situatie confuza 

nestiind nici ce, nici cum 

doar simtind mult din tot 

si putin din nimic. 

pare ca imi spui ca in paralimbaj 

gasesti mai mult decat in cuvinte aruncate in plic

niciodata certitudine in paralimbaj

vorbim totusi de perceptie,

al intelectului pavaj

sau paralimbaj.

 

unfolded in the sun

in the sun 

my face is red 

in the sun my lips are melting 

in the sun my universe gets to unfold 

in the sun, in my mothers backyard 

I get to drink red wine, read easy books and 

think about what I am trying to seal.  

This feeling 

has the right to be unfolded in the sun. 

one more step

You do drive purpose. Just I think you need to feel the impact of your own presence.

One more step out of comfort zone that you are ready to make for a while now

Will become and overcome some of the rocks you carry with you.