absence and black holes

your absence does not make my thoughts wonder as much

your absence has become part of something, not yet sure of what
your absence does not hurt as it use to
it just leaves behind a space that builds black holes of silence.

not yet brave enough to explore the space.
not yet brave enough to swim in those black holes

Zmei

Crestele muntilor danseaza la rasarit

Intampinate de Zmeii lipsiti de clavicula,
lipsiti de gen si de colagen alungati sa traiasca dincolo de Carpati.
Zmei ce cauta si azi secretele impaturite printre nori ale zeilor de altadata.
Cand le gasesc o data
la 100 de ani la amiaza
se gudura si se mira, se arunca in cer si isi dau drumul in gol.
O poza de amor.

Isi pun secretele gasite intre dinti si le mesteca bine.
Si atunci la poalele muntilor cate o padure se naste.
O padure uitata de timp.
O padure nascuta din dragostea zmeilor pentru tot ce era o data atins doar de razele soarelui. 

whale

seeing the layers kept in the middle of my blue ocean

seeing the insides of this unthamed wale

my eyes gamble in the dark
they put as a wager my lips

sometimes red and many times rose
my brown eyes throw the dices
near my right soul. 1-1
my lips are sealed by a dream kiss.
my left hand sided soul raises the stakes
my eyes fight to keep their light open
they gamble again, but rules are rules
they need to raise the stakes.
Dices fell near my neck.
There is a leftover red spot that my mother will catch with her eagle eye in the morning.
4-6
again. My lips near your right ear as they tremble for a moment, a secret from the past comes your way. I touch your ear lobe and I hear metalic gates opening deep inside your body.

The bruises dissappear with every encounter. 

The whale flyes to her bed in the morning. Her mother will also check on her. 

near the sun

walking towards the sunset 

my eyes become empty in the sunlight 

walking more than my small feet can handle

embracing the sun's first layer 

walking towards the little joys 

of time well spent 

near a castle, near a river, near a tour, 

near a mountain, 

or near the sun. 

vulnerable voice

I keep thinking about how I reacted. How much I exposed myself 

how vulnerable I have been and still am.

I keep thinking I over felt 

over experienced and over crowded feelings that were never to be expressed. 

I keep thinking how it got me 

inconsistency, guilt

it got me absence, silence and awkward moments. 

I keep thinking I should not be as honest as I am many times with people I care about.

I keep thinking my voice should be, but not up to the moment where it struggles. 

If it struggles it means 

it should stop talking. 

Between Coventry and Birmingham

I remember one moment 

years ago 

I got into a bus 

and my heart stopped at the first station 

it got out inbetween Coventry and Birmingham. 

It took her a long time to find me after this. 

She found me working out in a gym in Leeds, running on a treadmill and just when I was looking out the window I saw her. 

She said finally you are able to take me back. 

half awake. 

It was an inevitable end. 

End of love. 

End of the knife. 

End of my innocent being. 

gods

gods from my past 

gods I burried and still they came back 

gods who feed on guilt and on anger 

gods I used to unname, untouch and drive pass them in the highway of my thoughts

gods who know about the lowest moments of my life. 

gods with whom I need to make peace