rebel smile

days when I almost don't see you

days that theoretically are so busy

days that stay unfinished 

in a single way, 

a single thought that I try to catch in the needle I have in my hair

but it escapes, it builds through the gates of my soul, 

it sunks in the water of my conscience, 

underneath all that I say I want and need. 

it just is. 

A rebel thought that unleashes fire and ice inside my body. 

A rebel thought that arrives back in my mind with a memory of your smile. 

And I cross my arms and I try to think of things I do not like about you. But your smile brought back by a rebel thought somehow makes all of those other thoughts fade. 

Why I like your smile so much? 

because it is the only one that you can not control, that shows a little bit of what is underneath. 

eye corner

I see you with the corner of my eye 

at a table surrounded by your people

but tired, with your eyes red. 

I see you in another city, in Cluj, or in Alba, or maybe in Iasi surrounded by people you like. Making your presence known.

I used to see you more and to like seeing you more in my mind. 

through writings

through writings I give space to something  that will never be the same

through writings I express a little bit of how I see you 

through writings I heal

saudade

finally the earth is moving still 

finally the snow has covered my heart 

and I build a snow angel inside 

my decisions are crowded by others decisions

finally the frontier of my existence is guarded near a lake

the lake I always used to go for a swim in the middle of summer. 

Finally I hope to get better, 

to overcome all that is built in the snow.

Although I know I will miss you deeply. 

thoughts

I find myself worrying about a specific state of mind you might be in.  

I find myself thinking about context 

and changed context. 

I find myself thinking about you in the most uncommon places and times. 

And the fact that your thoughts are not ever coming to meet mine makes me want to take my thoughts back. Unfortunately it does not work like this. It is not a pure act of will. Not only. 

Apocaliptic earth

If apocalypse would come tomorrow 

I would pray and fight for my kids to be

to become in apocalyptic earth 

If apocalypse would come tomorrow I would get high for the first time in my life

If apocalypse would come tomorrow I would travel to the sea and would be there in the sand, near the sea, when it comes. 

If apocalypse would come tomorrow I would get on my knees and would hug my kids and would ask an invisible God to save them. Would ask all my ancestors, would ask invisible and indivisible forces to guard them. 

If apocalypse would come tomorrow I would have only one regret. A most common one. Never kissed by instinct. 

realist that seems negative

what is a negative realist? 

is it a state of mind? 

I always prefer negative realist 

to enthusiasts far fetched 

I always prefer to map the risks 

and to say I would bet on my chances to win

then to go on without knowing what I may loose.