patterns

Colored patterns the aztecs left

my mind when they started to build 

a space of solitude and of pray. 

deep cooked feelings

feelings that will deep dive in a frying pan and at one point will disappear. 

feelings that I don't regret, but that give me that uncertainty, that specific uncertainty not for what I know, or who I am, but for what is linked with you. 

feelings that at one point will most probably dissappear under the ashes of desire.

feelings that mostdays I have trouble with accepting and owning 

feelings that one day will be a mark left inside, part of that transformation of my soul to a new phase of existence. 

feelings I renounce almost every day, but they don't leave me. 

feelings that will leave me when it is time, maybe without sensing at first, but slowly. 

feelings slowly cooked in a pan of curiosity and of desire

batista

O batista care sa stearga toate formele, toate preturile, toate etichetele si toate starile.  O batista care sa impinga toate evantaiele din lume catre centrul pamantului unde gandurile mele alearga care incotro, cu o revolta, cu o senzatie de lipsa catre un vulcan miscator. 

7 minutes

many times I wonder why I need it those 7 minutes? 

why I need it to share a such unshakeable truth, that does not leave room for a question mark? Or for a walk, 

or to my surprise does not leave room for pressence, for nothing else then this 7 minutes. 

But then I remembered

my lack of focus, lack of concentration, lack of sleep, lack of me. 

morning conversation

missing

morning conversations

where your tone of voice 

seemed to rule the world 

seemed to make it better 

more structured and more clear 

missing 

the determination I felt in your voice

the way I always wanted to end the conversation, sooner than I would have need it 

because my heart became too anxious 

missing the anticipation of your calls 

with no other expectations than that to hear your thoughts. Not clearly but how you build them like lego towers made me smile as I knew, I sensed it is rare for you to share. 

missing the way I used to wake up 

first to see my kids, my family is fine.

second to see when and where 9 or almost 9 will catch me.  

image

Tired of all that is said but untrue and pretended and just image portrayed as reality.  Tired. 

lack of judgement

my lack of judgement 

sometimes is extreme 

I don't know where it comes from. 

It comes from emotion, most probably. 

That I will never regret. 

So accepting lack of judgement some days.