my body

I look at my body 

and I love it even more than when I was younger

My neck is kind 

my breasts are beautiful and stubborned 

my tummy has secret waves and it is never boring 

my hips are dancing and my legs are not long, but always long enough for what I need. My feet are small and gracefull and they can do wonderful things. 

My bottom is small, but rounder than before. My ears are chewy and my hands are wiser, they hold my soul in line. 

my face is not beautiful in itself, but has 1000 shades of beauty. And some freckles. Especially in the summer. 

stone

stoned to the corners of my being 

stoned to the earth's desires 

stoned, calcified and immersed in a single point of view. 

afraid

afraid of lack of movement 

afraid of my own body's reaction 

afraid of loosing myself 

midnight

meet me in a dream

near the mountains that protected your childhood from the distance.

find a green path under a full moon. 

wolfs and bears and other creatures 

would party in the mountains. 

 

while we would stair in eachothers eyes and silence would know

A kiss. 

voice inside

my voice inside 

is at the edge of the world

smiling

my voice inside 

is grateful for the little things I have

the smile of my kids, 

the flowers 

on my living room table,

the health of my family. 

my voice inside 

knows more than I do. 

has no regrets. 

not for anything that in the last year has 

enriched my being with a kind of emotion I was not aware I still hold. 

it is brave enough to make me  unapologetically vulnerable. 

it is that kind of voice that you hear coming out of your being, when your child is hurting, or when you are near a panic attack, or at your first loves desire. 

The voice, the real one. 

The one that never screams, the one that always tells the truth. 

The truth inside a soul. The light that trembles, but it is never extinct. 

it is that voice that when hurting is like the growl of a she wolf on a full moon.

it is never for the weak of heart, 

as it can bring doubts and sometimes tears.

token

disappointment from a distance

disappointment is clear and not ever subtle 

if it would be spilled on the green land in front of a church it would burn the ground up to the moment when there would not be anything green around it. 

disappointment is with motive, comes by reason and is always justified, but it demands a lot from any spirit. 

It always comes with a token. 

the token of justified feeling and unjustified repercussions. 

We all need to rebuild from disappointment's dust. 

canoe in flames

your determination fading 

and being reborned 

near the roots of my body 

and light and pure joy in the canoe in flames that somedays drives my thoughts into surrender.

It is a sorrow along the way

A sorrow that needs to be 

and to become so to make room for reality.

meaning

I still carry with me

the memory of your eyes 

when you smile 

the way you talk to me

only through your eyes, sometimes

or through the tone of your voice

the way you look at me 

when you think I am not looking 

and the way you confide in me 

even with things that seem small 

but are not revealed day to day

my imagination is a jester 

the smile 

the eyes 

the words 

the tone of voice 

maybe they have no real meaning, 

only the one I give. 

And I walk away with them 

in my memory

as I can not give anymore. 

secret scar

keep a secret scar  

an emotion I can never hold back

So I will walk 

until that scar will need to close beneath. 

And it will come a time I will look at it

in some sunny days 

and I will smile to the skyes and maybe say

my heart was weak 

but I don't care 

hearts are not meant to prove 

anything to anyone. 

Walk

I will walk from now on. 

walk away as much as possible, 

walk away from heavy feelings

walk away from my thoughts

walk away from conversations I used to enjoy

walk away from your fear 

walk away from the way you already know what will happen

walk away the same as you do

you thought me how to walk away.

between want and walk

I wanted to tell you that I got a little bit drained 

inbetween the shaking, the crying, the stress and the ice. 

I wanted to tell you that this is one of my weaknesses - seeing people hurting. 

I wanted to tell you that you give me strength, when you are around. 

behind me, close to me.  

I wanted to tell you everything, but I did not. 

I walked away and walked some more. 

if stardust

If the smallest stars in the sky 

would call your name

I can bet you would

wonder for one minute 

take your time, 

open one window, and keep the other one closed.

then stop for a while 

as if you do not hear the stars

you start missing them. 

you try to stay near the windows, 

but never opening both.

And if Tinker Bell would share some magic dust you would take it, but make sure you can keep the doors open, to be able to return. 

In the end, or in the morning the stars are always gone. 

Still if the stars feel like it, in the morning they hide beneath your window, in Tinker's pockets.

Sometimes they become stardust for whoever needs it. 

if the Adriatics

If I would be the Adriatics,

I would run in your arms and spill my waves in your heart. 

I would let your sun follow my heels, 

from a distance. 

caress your toes and play in the dark with your hair, with your light, but especially with your shadows. 

I would laugh and my waves would make your smile stay for longer and in the earth your spirit would grow a baobab tree that  survives eternal questions of the soul. 

Am I here to stay? 

Where am I going? 

Will I leave a mark in the ground?

Maybe the only reason is just to be.  Sometimes in more than one way. Sometimes to be like the sea, or like the sun? No, maybe more like a baobab tree to live one day at a time.